All parents do their best to raise their children!

Nevertheless, sometimes they let themselves be driven by the unhealthy mechanisms of society and the matrix structure and end up replacing a natural way of living with an artificial energetic form of a hierarchy inside the family.

In every family, there is an energetic hierarchy the same way that exists in the animal kingdom.

If we observe animals walking together, we see a clear position of each member. The parents walk in front leading the group and the kids follow. This is not because they live in an unhealthy authoritarian system, but it is a natural structure of the family based on the need to protect their kids and also the fact that the parents have more experience, so they can be the leaders and initiate their kids to the world!

Unfortunately, family members do not have a clear energetic position in our modern society.

They sometimes place the children in the leader position and the parents in the follower.

And this is when most of the problems begin…

When a child comes to a family, he/she is the one that needs to adapt to the situations of life that the parents give. Of course, in the first months, the parents need to be at the service of the baby, but there is a moment when this needs to change and the child follows the parent’s lead.

Examples like having to cook different food for the children or making important living decisions according to the children’s desires are very common nowadays.

Placing the child in the leader of the family can create narcissistic behavior, stress, ADHD, violence in adulthood and more.

But why do parents do that?

Most parents today do not have time to dedicate to their children. They let them with their grandparents, a nanny or a nursery school when they go to work and they can barely find quality time to spend with them. This can make them feel guilty and try to replace the lack of attention by satisfying their children’s different needs and desires in an unhealthy way.

Another reason this can happen is when parents try to avoid repeating the same mistakes that their parents did, like not having enough money to buy toys or setting too rigid boundaries.

They then act by visiting the opposite polarity without realizing that this is not what children want.

A child does not need many toys or different food than what is in the house. A child needs affection, quality time where both parents are fully present and clear boundaries so that he/she can relax in the follower position and not carry on the weight of the leader from such a young age.

Besides, the more you boost up the narcissism in your child’s psyche, the more rebellion will get during adolescence and that wouldn’t be beneficial for any of you!

A strong program and belief that is “promoted” by society and can influence this imbalance in the hierarchy is that parents need to sacrifice their lives for their child!
When a child comes, they suddenly forget their personal lives, their mission and passions, their friends and most of all, their relationship as a couple!

A healthy child is a child that feels the love growing between the mother and the father. A healthy child respects the parents’ limits when they claim privacy in their bedroom to share intimacy and make love.
A healthy child is not only present when the parents are arguing but also can witness moments of affection and love between them.

Many parents today forget to nurture their relationship after their child’s appearance. A healthy and loving bond between the couple is the secret to preventing any Oedipus or Electra complex. If the nest between the couple is not powerful but is full of “holes”, then most probably, the children will try to take the role of one of the partners and become the mom’s husband or the opposite.

When I talk about children being followers in the family, I do not mean that they should be treated in an authoritarian way! Besides, building a leader-follower relationship has nothing to do with authority but with trust! And this is something that parents can only transmit to their children if they also know how to be good followers and respect the limits and boundaries of others!