Why many women do not enjoy sex in a relationship?

Dear woman, being sexual has nothing to do with the labels of sexuality that society has imposed on you and you still choose to carry!


If you happen to be a woman with her sexual energy flowing inside your body, you are a natural woman, and this is your natural state of being. You are not a slut, a beach, a promiscuous, or any other label our patriarchic society loves using! You are a free wild woman who has managed to step out of a society, built and based on a religion that was created by the fear of men toward the feminine. Not towards women but the feminine, the feminine outside and inside of them.


I have many women clients who share with me that even though they enjoy their sexuality with their body, their connection to nature, creativity and life, they do not enjoy it with their partners.


I would like to share my personal experience on this subject:
All my life and especially since I discovered tantra, I was “bullied” indirectly by many of my partners regarding my sexuality and I also bullied myself.


Some of them tried to suppress it by needing it too much.

They were constantly asking for sex from a space of neediness; something that was blocking my free expression of my sexuality. Then they were entering into a conflict with their manhood since they could see me be sexual with my dance, work, and nature but not with them.
They felt impotent and their masculine pride was getting hurt.


The problem was that they couldn’t realize that my sexuality is free, and I love sharing it with anyone who wants to celebrate his own sexuality with me! But it totally closes down to anyone that demands having it from a space of authority or neediness.


In a few words, when a man needs to have sex with me to substitute the lack of affection and healthy sexual energy that he did not take from his mother, my Shakti refuses to give him what he needs!


All this story confused me and made me believe that I was shutting down to men and that I was having issues with my sexuality. I constantly wondered how I could feel so sexy the rest of the day and not with my partners. I took almost all the responsibility for not wanting to have sex in the relationship and tried to “heal” myself repeatedly using different methods.


Some of those methods worked, and I could connect sexually with my partners for some time, but then I fell again into the same pattern, thinking it was only my fault.

The good part of this journey was that it helped me see factors that could influence my sexuality with men; some of them are a subconscious need for revenge for what the masculine has done to women, a rejection of my womanhood, a need to keep my heart closed and more.


So, for many years and in different relationships, I was on a journey of healing issues that arise between men and women, but my partners were doing almost nothing since we all thought it was just me! This was always ending in hurtful breakups leading to the conclusion that I was the rigid-non sexual woman and they were the victims of my rejection.


I am not saying that women do not have things to heal in their sexuality with men; I am just saying that if both sides do not do the “work” of healing, it will probably lead to a huge imbalance of consciousness in the relationship. The woman who takes responsibility will do her best to heal and grow, but the man will probably stay at the same unconscious level. This will eventually create an imbalance of maturity, consciousness and vibration where the partners won’t be able to communicate anymore and will finally lead to a separation.

Scroll to Top